A year later, I am reflecting upon the 365 plus days since my baptism and I am amazed by the growth I've experienced. Was the journey easy? Absolutely not. Was it easier to face the battles and adversity after renewing my relationship with God? Absolutely. I have constantly been reminded that God never said weapons wouldn't form. He said they wouldn't prosper (Isaiah 54:17). I hit some bumps in the road (spiritually, financially, mentally, and physically). I went through a short season of confusion and lack of motivation. I was angry with God. I yelled at Him! (Ever seen me yelling and upset? Then you know this wasn't cute!) Literally, yelled out loud and questioned His loyalty to me. I didn't understand Him, His plans, my life, my feelings... I was spiraling back into depression.
About six months after baptism, I decided to seek counseling. I had stopped going to church, stopped praying meaningful prayers, and stopped having faith in not only God but in myself. I needed help. So, I started counseling so that I could work through my anger, hurt and confusion. It hurt to face my pain but I did the work. Before long, I was seeking God again. I started asking about different churches, started praying harder, and started believing in myself and God again.
Now, I am only in counseling on an "as needed" basis (haven't needed it yet!), I'm getting out more, trying new things, attending church on a regular basis, and attending group meetings every week to discuss God, life, and faith with other women from church (s/o to the Worthy Group at Love Alive Church!). I am now talking to God again. TALKING. I am no longer yelling. And any tears are tears of joy from being overwhelmed by all the blessings He's bestowed upon me. He has come into my heart, my life, and my mind and made it new. He's talking back to me. We're communicating like a Father and daughter should.
I thought it would be more of an immediate change after baptism but God said "Be patient"; something He knows is an area of opportunity for me. It took time. It took going through some tests but now I am able to give my testimony. I am able to share my journey with others so that I can inspire and spread the word and love of God. I am discovering that my pain led me to my purpose. Sharing my journey has inspired others to seek help and Him. And that is so far beyond anything that I ever thought my journey would do.
I allowed God to resurrect me from the brokenness and breathe new life into my soul. I opened my life and soul to Him. He permeated me. He cleared out the distractions that were keeping me from my purpose. He answered my questions about purpose and His dedication to me. In this last year, He has showed me that He is not done with me. He needed me to take that step of getting baptized to open up new doors for me. Doors to a new church. Doors to a new job. Doors to new friendships. Doors to new experiences. Doors to new peace. Doors to new love. Doors to His abundance of blessings.
I am preparing myself for the rest of the doors He is going to open for me...for I know He isn't done with me yet.
Blessings & Love,
Coco
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